Post Three

I am starting my yoga journey. I begin my yoga teacher training at Kripalu this evening. And Holy shit I am terrified. I've never done anything like this, ever, and I am so afraid of failing. It's totally possible too. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to self-doubt and those emotions are raging right now.

Basically, Im scared. That's all.

Second post, Second birthday

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of the last time I threw up.

I have struggled with an eating disorder since the summer of 2004. I was mostly bulimic, binging and purging 5+ times a day for the past 5ish years.

this has been one of the best and one of the hardest years of my life.

I started treatment in Feb of '09 and "graduated" in July. It was extremely difficult, but also extremely rewarding. I would never want to go back, and that knowledge is more valuable than anything. Well, except for my health of course haha.

So much has changed in the past year and some odd months. I'm healthy, happy (for the most part), mentally stable (again, for the most part haha), and my diabetes is better controlled than it has been in a long time. My a1c was 7.7 when it was checked 2 days ago. I'm still not the best at checking my blood sugars though, so I have a CGMS for a week. Insurance covers the 7 days, but that's it, and honestly I wouldnt want to wear it any longer. It's itchy and bothersome. But if it will help me gain better control in the near future, itll be worth it.

I am so grateful for many of the people in my life. Renee, Suzanne, My amazing boyfriend, my sister, my grandmothers, my parents. Every single one of them have supported me so much these past few months and they are responsible for a good bit of my recovery. I know for sure I couldnt have done it without them.

I feel so grateful today.

first post

wow, I never thought I would do this.

I dont really know what to say, other than "I have no idea what I'm doing."

This pertains to many areas of my life, not just the blogging world. I am a blogging virgin. I may not even keep it up, but I wanted to give it a shot. So many people have inspiring blogs that I read all the time. If I can inspire or connect with someone through my words, even virtually and never meeting in real life, then I feel like my little adventure will be worth it.

welcome to my life, behind the red door.